They love each other. They love being with each other.
They love.
That is who they are,
and that is one of the things that just moves me to my very core,
every. single. time I look at them--
or even have a thought of them throughout my day.
In case you couldn't tell, the big ones are extra in love with the littlest.
*sigh*
How I look on the inside.
Yah, this pretty much sums it up rather nicely.
I told you: CRA.ZY.
Anywhoo....
I have been The Mama for about six and half glorious years to date. And up until just very recently, my prayers for my children and my mothering has been something similar to this:
Dear Jesus,
Please help me to be the mama that I need to be for my children. I just want them to be more like You. I want my babies to love Jesus and do what is right- no matter what. Lord, please help my sweet ones to listen and learn and become who you would have them to be. Father, PLEASE change them-- and me.
However, the Lord has stopped my heart. Right in its little tracks.
The Big Kids are both participating in soccer, so during practice I will frequently pass the time by pushing Littlest in his stroller-- more often than not rehearsing that little prayer over and over as I watch my Sweet One having the time of his life, but not really controlling his body as much as I would like. I would catch myself cringing so many times, trying to telepathically will my baby to behave as I had told and retold and reminded so many times. Shamefully, I spent most of this soccer season [they finish up in just a couple of week] focusing on and praying for my son to be someone else. Someone that *I* thought he needed to be.
And theeeeeeeere's the track-stopping.
I was pushing the Littlest, and I literally stopped in my tracks and started to weep as I listened to the Holy Spirit convict me to my innermost part.
"Be content with such things as you have."
"I have learned in whatsoever state I am in:
therewith to be content."
It was like the Spirit was saying to me: "Leah! Be content with who your child is right now. *I* will make him who he needs to be in *MY* timing, on *MY* terms."
And, immediately, I changed that familiar prayer. Without even realizing it, I was, in essence, presenting to God Almighty the mold and requirements of exactly who and what my children needed to be. You know, 'cause I'm so super smart and have it all together and all.
Instead, I looked at that lively child on the field and confidently prayed through my tears, "Lord, thank you for who that sweet boy is right now. Please help me to be content with who he is right now."
Then, the most remarkable thing happened. I started smiling as I watched. And every time he would jump up and down like a chicken (no, seriously) or roll around on the ground after having "fallen", I would stop my critical spirit and say, "Lord, thank You for who my son is. Please help me to be content with who is right now." I would cheer loudly and proudly, and simply enjoy the moment for what it was.
So while I am still training my children in the admonition of the Lord. And, obviously, there are consequences for unbiblical behaviors, but I am learning to just let them be. I am learning to ask myself if I am cranky with the behavior because it is sinful or because it is silly.
And how I pray that I will continue to listen to that Still, Small Voice as God the Holy Spirit seeks to lead The Mama-- even more than she wants Him to lead the Sweet Ones.
And, come on.
How can you not love that face?!
I am content with such things as I have.
