But I don't want to

I have three sweet precious gifts from the most Gracious God.  These babies fill my heart and day with more joy than I could ever have imagined was possible.  They have an innocent hope and zest for life that often causes me to just catch my breath with the deepest of love.

   

However.

As every parent out there is able to give a witness, in addition to the countless hours of blessings and love and joy, there are also times when these precious Sweet Ones can work a nerve.

My youngest Sweet One is currently two years old.  [And I don't even have to write anything else for every person who has ever had the briefest interaction with a two-year-old to understand exactly what "currently two years old" means.]  And added to the standard "currently a two year old" package, someone decided to upgrade to "also a miracle baby" with a side of "yep, he's the youngest".  So.  We are getting the opportunity for a LOT of learning moments in la casa de Gibson these days.

One of the things that both annoys and entertains me simultaniously is the moments when I have asked this Sweet Sweet to hand me something-- perhaps he has something that he shouldn't, or it is time to put away a toy or a cup or a blow torch.  [I'm kidding.  We don't let our kiddos play with the blow torches until they're at least seven.  Kidding.]  And this is usually how the exchange goes:

Mama:  Hand the cup to mama.
Sweet Sweet:  [throws it to the floor, directly beside him/me]
Mama:  Samuel, pick it up and hand it to mama.
Sweet Sweet:  [weeping]
Mama:  Samuel, pick up the cup and hand it to mama.

More weeping, pointing to said cup, and unintelligible moaning that I can only assume is an attempt to explain why he couldn't possibly pick up the cup.

Mama:  [taking the Sweet Sweet by his hand, gently pulling the hand towards the cup]  Pick. Up. This. Cup. Please.

Suddenly, my Sweet Sweet has lost all use of his fingers.  Suddenly, his hand no longer possesses the fine motor skills needed to grasp a small object.  I literally have his hand on the cup.  And he literally will not grasp the cup.

More weeping.  More moaning.

Mama:  Buddy.  It is right there.  Pick up the cup.

What is the miraculous healing for loss of motor skills?  For my precious Sweet Sweet, his healing comes with an ever slight *smack* to the cutest, chubbiest little thighs you've ever seen.  Granted, there is still weeping, possibly even an additional moan or two, but he picks up the cup and {grudgingly} hands it to me.

I share these moments from my Sweet Ones because I also want to share how it relates to my own heart and life.  As I have been spending my time with the Lord in recent days, my heart has felt quite a bit like Samuel-- there has been weeping, pointing, and unintelligible moaning.  I don't want to pick up my "cup".  It doesn't matter that it is right there.  I don't wanna.  It's not that I have suddenly lost the ability to do what needs to be done.  No, the bottom line is that I have a sinful, willful heart.  And I simply don't want to do it.  I would rather grunt and groan and weep than take that big step into obedience.

But Jesus is working on that with me, every so graciously as He is prone to do.  In fact, I have had several different "themes" that I have used to help keep me on the right track in recent years.  One year, it was #theyearofthanks.  Most recently, it was #unshakable.  As I've been considering what to select for this new school year, if I was honest, it would be #theyearofpitchingafit.  (I told you I didn't want to pick up my cup!)

But then the Lord gives my not-so-cute-but-unfortunatly-just-as-chubby thighs heart an ever slight *smack*.  My most recent smack came through the words of a gorgeous, conviction-packed worship hymn.  You might be familiar with it:  "O Great God".  If you haven't heard it, or it's been a while, or even if you just need a loving *smack* to your cute little thighs heart, take a moment to listen...

I don't think it is by any accident that the frame that is frozen there as the visual for the video are the very words that were the much-needed and loving *smack* from my Heavenly Father.


Keep my heart and guard my soul...

You are worthy to be praised with my every thought and deed.

I need to give my heart and will and soul to the One Who is able to guard me from the evils that I will and do face each day.  I need to be reminded that no matter what is happening in my life at any given moment, as a Child of the King, my one task is to glorify the Lord-- and to have Him be glorified through me.

So instead of #theyearofpitchingafit, the Lord has gently encouraged my heart to instead focus on #lookingforthanks.  This is something that I will need to learn, day after day.  And I learn by practicing it-- even if I don't want to do it.  I look for ways to be thankful.

Isaiah 1:17 says, "Learn to do good..."

Amos 5:14 further exhorts, "Seek good and not evil, that you may live;  So the Lord God of hosts will be with you..."

So take a deep breath.  
Put on your big girl pants.  
Remember that training is never easy.  

And for the love of all that is holy:

Pick.  Up.  The.  Cup.

Not "the cup".  No, this is mama's-- he has no problem picking up THAT one! ;)

Advice for the new mom, old mom, tired mom, single mom, I'm-not-a-mom, and everyone else out there

Live in your moment.

Because this is the moment that God has given

to you.  

Don't look back, don't look outside. 
Don't compare, don't resent.

Look to Him.  

Believe that He has given you just what you need 

 and kept from you that which is not best. 

So, remember:

Live.

In.

YOUR.

moment.

 

Kinda like this. 

 

Sweet Birthday Boy

I'm officially old.  I mean, not like "97 and ready for a nursing home" old, but... well, to the point in my life where I totally get that warning I was given just a few years ago:

Be careful!  The time just flies on by you without you even knowing it.

Wow.zers.  

My sweet baby boy just turned two a couple days ago.  Where did two years... of my life-- of his life-- just go?!

This kid cracks me right up...  He was so proud of his skills.

But God is good.  My Samuel is a precious visual reminder of the reward of trusting in the divine plan of a Loving God.  And these have been good years.  Two hard, life-changing, grace-filled, good years.

We had originally planned to go back to the hospital to give cupcakes to our God-given helpers.  However, one of my sweet ones had pink eye-- and my very wise hubby suggested that perhaps taking a pink-eyed child to the ICU wasn't the most thoughtful of gestures-- even if I had cupcakes. 

              
Sweet birthday boy in his sweet birthday shirt.  Loves that Monkey!

So, instead we decided to have a fantastic family day.  Our day started with a yummy breakfast-- pancakes are my Sweet Sweet's favorite, you know.  After that, we braved Target, allowing the two big ones to select the most perfect gift for the littlest-- a drum set and a car driving steering wheel.  Pretty sure there were a couple of new balls thrown in the shopping cart, too.  I mean, what's a trip to Target without purchasing at least 7 items you don't really need?!

We grabbed the most perfect cupcake cake for my ball-loving little man:

 

Being the very wise mama that I am, we saved it to share with all of his friends at church (you know, so mama didn't have 2 dozen cupcakes topped with 3 gallons of icing hanging around my house all day Saturday).  

       
Yah, he loved it.  And I let him eat an entire cupcake.  And frosting.

The day before his birthday was a bit of a celebration as mama and the two boys went on a field trip to The Virginia Living Museum.  So fantastic.  This sweet boy's eyes were so busy, watching and looking and learning.

   
Love those little fingers, touching and learning.

 
What kind of a mom be if we didn't get a treat?!

 
Sweet brother wanted to make sure to get some gifts for the pink-eye sister.

 But life is good.  No, God is good.  My sweet Samuel reminds me of this.  My sweet, snuggly, spoiled-rotten gift from God.  He is the one who God hears.   May I train him to listen to God.

How I love my Bible!

Are you like me?  Do you get emotionally attached to your Bible?  I mean (and please don't think of me as unspiritual or shallow) not simply the inspired Word of God. [Yes, I am attached to that!]  I mean your actual Bible.  The version, edition, etc etc etc that you have used for who-know-how-long.


I had a friend in college who made a rather accurate and astute observation about the difference of how men and women view their Bibles and use their Bibles.  This friend, who happens to be a guy, made the observation that women use their Bibles as a journal or a diary.  And, I for one, can agree wholeheartedly with that statement! 

I love recording-- and then stumbling upon and revisiting-- the different lessons and blessings that my Savior has walked through with me.  [also may be read: dragged me through kicking and screaming, all the while knowing what is best for me and refusing to let me settle for less than His best.]

Anywhooo... I have a women's study Bible.  I was going to post a link so you could see my Bible, but even after much too long a time of searching, I couldn't find my Bible.  I know they have a newer edition, but I have used this one for so long that I just am not emotionally ready to move on.  I have notes and covenants and prayers recorded along the columns and in between verses that are just too precious to my heart to simply start over in a "new" Bible.  I have sermons my daddy has preached recorded all throughout the Scriptures.  I have quotes and devotionals as well as triumphs, victories, and even some personal failures-- all written for me to remember one basic theme:

God. is. faithful.  To me.

 

Yes, that is my maiden name written on the front.

Yes, there is a cup of hot tea in the picture.  

That was on purpose.  They usually go together.

Well, in recent days, my precious Book has started to come apart at the seams.  I was afraid that I was going to have to retire this edition for another.  But I searched and searched and came upon this helpful post about how to repair using Mod Podge.  I was elated! :)  However, my sweet hubby is beyond wonderful, and he added a few extra steps to ensure that my beloved Bible would last for many more years!  Here are the tools you will need, pictured below.  (Yes, that is a 10 lb. dumb bell!)

 

 These are the valuable tools to keep your Bible/journal going strong!

You will need liquid Mod Podge, big rubber bands, two heavy weights, a board about the width of your binding, and thin paint brushes (oops! Left those out of the picture...).

I first carefully removed the "chunk" of pages that had come unattached (half of Psalms and all of Proverb, in case you were interested!), carefully brushed out any dirt or leftover residue from off of both the binding and the now completely detached pages.  I want those puppies to stick!  I then carefully painted a thin coat of the Mod Podge on both the Bible binding as well as the pages to go back in.  

I took a deep breath and then lined up the pages carefully and pressed them back into the binding!  Here's where my awesome hubby comes in...  It was his idea/suggestion to press the strip of wood along the binding, add the rubber bands, and then place the weights on top of the Bible so that it would create that pressure and allow the glue to cure.

[I have to insert here a personal struggle that I had in that last step... We work very diligently to show the utmost respect and reverence to God's Word.  My children have been trained from the very beginning of their days that we do not put God's Word on the ground; we do not put anything on top of God's Word; we are always very careful when handling this, the very God-breathed inspiration from a Holy Father to us, His children.  That being said, my sweet hubby knew even before I said anything that I didn't really want to put those weights on top of my Bible.  So he gently said, "It's all right, honey.  You can put the weights on top."  Love that man.]

And, I am super pleased to report:  my Bible is securely bound and ready for more study!  My Quiet Time this morning was all the more exciting to me because I didn't have to worry about losing the book of Proverbs or even further separate those chunks of Scripture. 

So if you have a Bible that is falling apart-- and what's that they say: a Bible that is falling apart usually means a life that is not-- I encourage you to take heart, grab that Mod Podge, and put it all back together again!

PS~ I feel the need to add yet another sidenote.  You may have noticed from the picture of my Bible that there is a cup stain on the cover.  "But, Leah!  You just said that we never put anything on top of God's Word!"  Alas, you are correct.  There IS a stain.  It IS from a cup that was placed on top of my Sacred Book.  I honestly do not remember when or how it happened.  However, it serves as a visual reminder for me to show my children why we are so careful with God's Word!

WARNING!

If you are one of those kinds of people who look at the Bible as a sort of "buffet", where you can pick and choose what you like, and leave what doesn't really appeal to you... well, either prepare to be offended or just don't read any further.

I, for one, am of the belief that the Bible is more like the "clean plate club"-- you know, you eat everything on your plate, whether you like it or not!

Image from here

Now, hold on tight, 'cause here we go...

Several weeks ago, I came across a rather intriguing article.  This article basically put into words what I have firmly believed for a very long time:  the basic summation of the article is that homosexuality is not something you are "just born with" but is instead, a sin-- just like any and all other sins-- something that is a result of the original sin as recorded in Scripture.  And that-- being a sin nature-- really IS something we are all "just born with".

Now, before you write me off in thinking, "Oh, this is just another one of those 'homosexuality is a sin' preaching posts!" please give me just a few more moments of your time.  You will see, in fact, that that is not at all the burden that has been upon my heart.  Rather, I will instead open to you a secret part of my heart.

[But just so we're clear, the Bible does plainly state that homosexuality is a sin.  And, remember, I'm a "clean plate" gal, sooo... yah.  I believe it's a sin, too.]

If you happen to have been following my blog at all lately, you already know that I have embarked on a 100 Day Journey {if you want to catch up, just start here!}.  As I am moving through these days, the Lord has really dug down deeply into the innermost, secret parts of my very soul.  He is cleaning out things that I truly don't need and putting back in that place, things that make me so much more like and for Jesus.  One of the ways that He has been doing this work is through both my quiet time and Sunday School teaching times.  During these times, there have been several occasions for me to revisit that original sin that I mentioned a little bit ago.

In case you need a refresher, here's a recap:

God placed Adam and Eve, the original man and woman, in a perfectly created garden of Eden.  There was no sin, no pain, no problems.  They only had one rule:  do not eat of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil.  One. Rule.  However, the Evil One came to Eve and presented her with a proposition.  He carefully asked her about God's "restriction" given.  Satan questioned the very Nature of God, the goodness of God.   He led Eve to believe that God was somehow keeping her from something that she deserved. 

Has God indeed said, 

"You shall not eat of every tree of the garden"?

And, sadly, Eve listened to the wrong voice.  She looked at that tree, saw that it was good to eat.  And (this always makes me *sigh* and so very sad down in my soul when I read) she took it.

And then.  THEN she gave it to her husband. [But that's a whole 'nother post for a whole 'nother time!]

Now, let me stop you right there.  If you are anything like me, it is super easy for us to point and shake our finger at Eve, tsk-tsking her.  I get all high and mighty, simply aghast that Eve dared to disobey, she dared to give in to that tree.

But then the Lord stopped me right in my tracks.  Stopped that tsking and finger pointing.

The Lord pressed on my heart the reality that each and everyone of us has a "tree" in our life.  *I* have a tree, one that is right there behind me, practically calling my name.  A tree that the Evil One uses to tempt us-- to lure us away from any relationship with a Savior, causing us to question the very goodness of a Holy God.  Just like Eve was tempted to take from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, there are a wide variety of temptations that pose as trees in each and every life.  The Evil One is crafty; he is cunning; he is a roaring lion.  And he is ready to devour each and everyone of us.  He is able to do this because he knows exactly what "tree" tempts which person.  I firmly believe that this "tree" is often a very specific weakness in our sin nature, something that we are prone to give in to unless we day in and day out determine to "let not sin reign therefore in your mortal body, that you should obey it in its lusts." (Romans 6:12)

Wanna know what MY "tree" is?  {Here comes my heart}

 

Food.

Yes, you read that right.  Food and the proper balance of the role food plays in my heart and life.  Food as my comfort, the challenge to my self control.

Food is my tree.

The tree that I have to battle with and wrestle against day in and day out.  Probably for the rest of my life.  And while you may not understand it (um, it's not your tree, so how could you?), let me tell you that since I now see my tree AS my tree, I understand "other sins" so much better.  I pray so much harder for my fellow brothers and sisters, I pray differently for my brothers and sisters.

There has been more than one moment in these past several weeks and months that I found myself at a crossroads.  That tree was tempting me in a most persistent manner.  And I actually said out loud:

"Ugh.  You know what, I don't want to do this anymore.  I am tired.  I like [insert some particularly scrumptious and unhealthy "treat"].  I just don't know if I can fight it any longer.  It would be so much easier to just. give. in."

And then it hit me.  [Cue your mind back to that article I was talking about in the beginning]

Imagine that person you know who has struggled with a tendency towards homosexuality their entire life.  And even the one who has now given in-- claiming "That's who I really am" or even "I've never been so happy until now.  I've really 'found myself'."  Maybe people have even said, "Oh, we just knew he was gay from the time he was in elementary school!"  But, I say NO!  No, he was not born to be a homosexual.  That is just his "tree".  He was born no differently than any other person of the human race: he was born a sinner.  But this just happens to be the fight that he must battle day in and day out.  Probably for the rest of his life.  And maybe he just got too tired of fighting.

It's so much easier to just give in.

[That's why it's called "wrestling".]

Yet, that is the battle we all are called to fight.   But we should fight together.  Why else do we read in James chapter five...

"Confess your sins one to another
[don't be ashamed or afraid to share with a brother/sister in Christ what your tree is]

And pray for one another
[wrestle for them and with them before the throne of God in heaven]

That you may be healed.

The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much."

So what's your tree?  We know that there are only three categories... lust of the eyes [pornography, envy, jealousy], lust of the flesh [gluttony, lust, greed], and the pride of life [arrogance, self-sufficiency, power, money].  And I know that if you are honest with yourself, you also know that it doesn't do any good for you to pretend that you DON'T have a tree.  Because you do.

It is my prayer that you will never again look at the variety of trees all around in the same way.  May you remember to pray for one another every single time you see a tree.  May you pray that the Lord will give the strength for that dear one to fight.  Fight, just one more day.  Just for today, might we all resist the evil one.

Resist.  And he will flee from you.

Intercessions for all men

I Timothy 2:1 tells us, "I exhort therefore, that, first of all, supplications, prayers, intercessions, and giving of thanks, be made for all men."  

Have you ever wondered what that really means?  Paul is giving some of his final, most personal advice to a young man in whose life he had invested.  Paul wanted Timothy to remember the importance of praying for one another.  But he doesn't just remind Timothy to pray.  Paul knew there will be times of interceding-- pleading on behalf of another person.

But I fear that we as believers have walled up our hearts from our brothers and sisters-- we are afraid to share our deepest burdens, troubles, temptation, struggles, grief.  But that, my sweet friend, is a wile of the devil.  If the Evil One can keep us from praying for each other-- from pleading before the throne of the God of Heaven-- he limits us.  Drastically.

However, I want to tell you about a lesson I learned from my sweet ones.   

There are several times throughout the day that our family takes the opportunity to pray together-- breakfast, on the way to school, during a difficult situation, family devotions, bedtime.  I don't share that as a form of any boasting, just to let you know that I'm a little embarrassed that it's taken me this long to learn this lesson.

Do you know what I have learned? 

Do you know what my babies do?

My sweet ones intercede for each other.  For me.  For my husband.  For their friends.  And you know what?  They are sincere.  And direct!  I was struck with this profound biblical mandate that these little babes were innocently fulfilling-- and I was even more struck by the grace with which the other ACCEPTED that intercession.  Neither child was even remotely offended as the other approached the throne of grace (the throne of what?  The throne of GRACE.  But that's another post for another time.)  My sweet Ellie Rose very directly begged the Lord to help her big brother at school, sincerely implored the God of heaven that her beloved Daniel have the strength to do what is right.  And my Daniel prayed that Mama would use kind, strong words.  That she would be a sunbeam for Jesus.  

And the prayers went on.  They prayed for family members, church members, and classmates.  They pleaded for specific struggles of others.  

As Paul commanded of Timothy.

And you.

And me. 

I am so thankful that my children have not yet learned that they are supposed to be embarrassed by their weaknesses and are supposed to carry their burdens all by themselves.  Or even more tragically, that they are supposed to just pray for each other "secretly"-- never acknowledging that there is a weakness, a sin problem in the life of those they love.  

I am thankful that they are moved with compassion and PRAY.  

 

For each other.